The World At Our Fingertips, But Far From Our Hearts?

Not too long ago I was browsing the New York Times website when I stumbled upon this interesting article by Jonathan Safran Foer. It's about technology and gadgets and their influence on how (or if) we interact with our fellow human beings. Foer believes that "technology celebrates connectedness, but encourages retreat." And he seems to have the field of psychology on his side regarding this assumption:

Psychologists who study empathy and compassion are finding that unlike our almost instantaneous responses to physical pain, it takes time for the brain to comprehend the psychological and moral dimensions of a situation. The more distracted we become, and the more emphasis we place on speed at the expense of depth, the less likely and able we are to care.

Why Loneliness Is Worse Than Smoking

Everyone hates loneliness.

I'm not talking about being alone here. Every now and then we may choose to be alone - so we can think, reflect, ponder, pray, read or just enjoy the silence it brings. But nobody chooses to be lonely. Loneliness is that feeling of emptiness that overcomes you when you want to share something with somebody - an experience, an emotion - but nobody is there to share it with you...

Definitely bad for your emotional well-being, but as Daniel Goleman notes in his book Social Intelligence, the negative consequences go further than that:

"Making" The Ideal Partner

Chasing perfection.

We've probably all tried our hand at it at sometime or other: whether in the realm of sports, school, music, cooking, and the list could go on. There's something deep within us that longs to be able to play the perfect tennis match, score a perfect grade on that French test, sing with perfect pitch and cook the perfect meal in order to impress someone on a first date. Yet we fail miserably most of the time and realize once again that we live in a world where perfection just does not exist - we'll have to wait for the next world, the eternal one, to experience it fully.

Although we know this intellectually and are capable of applying it to all kinds of life situations, we tend to not want to accept it when it comes to finding the right partner - we want him/her to be perfect! (Disclaimer: I promise this will be the last post on relationships for a while ;-)) But as Daniel Goleman reminds us in his book Social Intelligence, that's just not going to happen:

Are You Feeling Safe Or Suffocated?

A romantic relationship can be the best or worst thing that has ever happened to you. There are, of course, many different factors that play a role in how your relationship will turn out. I won't go into all that. To my mind, one of the most important questions every serious partnership needs to answer is this: Do I feel safe or suffocated?

Baby, I Love Your... Sweat!

A while back a good friend of mine was seeing a woman who openly confessed to him that she felt attracted to him when she could smell his sweat. (The reasons for the initial attraction were different... or at least I hope they were!) At the time I thought to myself: "Well, strange women are everywhere, so I'm not surprised!" But now I know that it's actually quite common and normal for women feel that way.

Yup, in case you're not sure you just misread or misunderstood that, let me repeat it again:

Apparently women are attracted to a man's sweat. 

To be more exact, to its odor. Nice, huh?

3 Ways To Check If You're Socially Intelligent

This is a special post, because it is a mix of different things I've recently learned from reading Social Intelligence (which you can get here) by Daniel Goleman. These are not necessarily new to me, but it's always nice to hear it from a guy who actually studies this kind of stuff and knows what he's talking about ;-)

1) If you're socially intelligent, you won't worry too much about your own problems, but will be more likely to feel empathy and compassion for others...

"In short, self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection - or compassionate action." (p. 54)

There's Just Something About Him...

Have you ever met a person and almost instantly sensed that he or she meant trouble? Maybe you even mentioned this "gut-feeling" to someone else, even though you weren't capable of explaining it or giving any rational reasons for it. You just knew that there was something wrong with him...

I've recently started reading Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, a book that claims to explore a new science - namely how we interact with each other as human beings. IMHO, it's a pretty fascinating subject and I assume that this will not be my last post inspired by the pages of this book.